Monday, 28 February 2011

Bad Hair Day

A befuddled bundle of bedlam

I don’t understand fashion. My belief is that it doesn’t matter how you look, it’s the personality that counts, as long as your face doesn’t resemble a pile of vomit with eyes. My attempt at looking fashionable involves a clean pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt, and spending enough time on my hair so it doesn’t look like befuddled bundle of bedlam. Anyway, what’s wrong with a befuddled bundle of bedlam?

Social conventions dictate that we must scrupulously groom our hair, so that its appearance fits within a narrow band of publicly acceptable styles. Throughout my life, I have adopted the straight, short hair style, simple because it’s the easiest to maintain. I don’t want to have to wake up especially early every morning in order to curl my hair in perfect circle, so flawless that the ratio between the diameter and the circumference is exactly Pi. Before mathematicians and philosophers alike begin complaining, I must point out that there is no such thing as a perfect circle in real life, these mythical objects exist only theoretically.

There are many styles out there on the streets, some more popular than others. The straight hair option opted for mostly by the female species is very popular. This popularity is probably due to the existence of straighteners, the massive scissor shaped hair sculpting tool that turns coiled and twisted hair into beautiful elongated strands of gorgeous hair. Supposedly. Actually, they’re just another household item that it’s very easy to burn your hand on, joining the likes of the kettle and hot water tap.

Another common hair option is the extreme curls style, characterised by a mess of spirals and coils, hanging around the wearer’s head like unappetising Turkey Twizzlers. Another disadvantage of this style, besides looking like they’ve walked through Bernard Matthews with an unhealthy food magnet attached to their scalp, is that curly hair goes frizzy very easily. A touch of humidity in the air makes the twisted mess become a chaotic tangle, a style that looks like an afro gone wrong. At least they never burn themselves of straighteners.

Then there are the others. The ones who don’t care about how the ball of fluff on their head is shaped. They’ve seen the sheer futility of meticulous hair styling and decided to rebel against the system. I commend them. I, however, succumb to the sinkhole of style and actually consciously think about my hair before going out. Not ages of time, just enough so it looks vaguely acceptable. I have naturally straight hair and don’t have to use straighteners to achieve my desired style, making it the easiest option and therefore the option I go for.

I suppose if hair is that annoying to me, I could just go bald. That probably wouldn’t be a good idea, I wouldn’t want to walk around looking like a boiled egg with a face scribbled on with a Sharpie. And that's not a good look.

1 comment:

And the verdict is...