Friday, 18 February 2011

Living a Fabricated Lie

The guilty bits of fabric

People have good enough memories to know what day of the week it is. However, clothes manufacturers have decided that we’re all senseless buffoons, and that we easily forget important facts such as what day it is. This daft decision has resulted in the fabrication, and large scale distribution and usage of socks emblazoned with the days of the week on. It’s like they just don’t know how the real world exists, sitting in their offices deciding that we all lack basic recall ability and trying to solve a non-existent problem by making these pointless scraps of fabric and information.

Anyway, if us supposedly idiotic humanoids needed to find out what day it was due to an implausible memory lapse, we’d just check it out on our Iphones or smart phones. You don’t see people checking their socks in a moment of memory loss. If socks were really designed for holding information, all shoes would be transparent for ease of information retrieval. And I don't know of any transparent shoes that would look normal in real life.

The main problem with these socks is that in the morning, the time when the day’s socks are decided upon, the energy flowing around your system is at a depressing minimum, you really can’t be bothered to rummage around your sock drawer for the pair that matches the day. This usually ends up in picking the wrong day socks, meaning that you are plodding around all day with lies dwelling around your feet. And when you need to check what day it is, you’ll get erroneous information fed to you by the fabric. You’re living a fabricated lie.

These pointless information garments tend to be sold in packs of seven, each pair with each day of the week. Assuming you’re suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder and you wear the correct socks every day, this means that for the foreseeable future, you’ll never wear any of your other socks as your day socks are much have taken their place. It just seems wrong not to wear the day socks when the option is there. You never know when your memory will suddenly fail! This means that these day socks have outmoded your other socks, causing these unloved pieces of fabric to become relics of the past. They will never see the day where they get to hug your foot for hours on end, caressing it through every step our your incredibly exciting life. They will sit in a dark drawer, filled with other depressed bits of fabric, sobbing their lives away.

I must stress that socks aren’t actually alive and they don’t have feelings like us naive humans do. Despite this, there is a small doubt in my mind that my socks are just like the toys in Toy Story, secretly making animated movies behind my back while I’m out of the house. It’s a long shot, but it’s always nice to live in hope.

The worst thing is that I own a few sets of these day socks, but they are worn at random, sometimes with two different days on each sock. I'm rebellious like that. This constant knowledge of lies existing around my feet doesn't affect me, because I have surpassed the clothes manufacturer’s wildest imaginations and trained my memory through the many years of my life to remember what day it is. I expect many of you will possess the same skills. We are superheroes of memory, soaring above their feeble minds.  In truth, we’ve really knocked their socks off.

1 comment:

  1. I love to give these kinds of socks out at Christmas as gag gifts. One year I gave my father-in-law a pair that said, "Mike's sock" on one and "Mike's other sock" on the other one. Most likely I'm the only one that finds this amusing, but it makes me giggle when I see their faces and I know they're too polite to say what they really think of these kinds of socks. Love your blog!


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