Monday, 7 March 2011

Time Consuming Technology

Technology working at a snail's pace

When Wi-Fi erupted into existence, the world went crazy, knowing that tangled snake like masses of wire would cease to exist. Except they didn't. The snake pits will still remain until someone perfects the idea of wireless power. We were shocked and startled that a laptop, even a phone, could connect to the internet without being attached to a wire like a baby attached to its mother in the womb. We had freedom!

We eventually became habituated to this new concept of wireless internet connectivity and the novelty disappeared quicker than a serial killer at a crime scene. If the wireless connection stops working, even momentarily, our brains begin to fill up with anger, the irritation floods in like milk into a bowl of cereal and sooner or later, we begin venting our anger at the apparently sluggish internet connection as if it is purposely being slow in order to annoy us.

Sooner or later, we began verbally abusing our gadget, whether it be a laptop or mobile phone, in the obviously ineffective and futile attempt to make it work. If the power of the voice was able to speed up internet connections, offices would become so uncontrollably loud, we’d have to evolve noise cancelling headphones to replace our ears in a very short space of time to survive.

I personally get annoyed when computers are being slow, when the normal rate of working is just a fraction below normal, just like the rest of the impatient population. As supreme beings, we expect our technological slaves to constantly perform at optimum level, we just expect too much. Nothing’s perfect. We might as well have whips attached to every computer so we can flog them whenever we feel that the speed being given to us in insufficient.

One day, some incredibly irate idiot will be sitting at his laptop, in a rush and under stress, trying to load up Wikipedia, and when the internet connection breaks, leaving him without his vital information, his blood will boil so quickly that they’ll be a build up of gas, causing him to explode, leaving bone and muscle all over the keyboard and a lovely modern artistic blood stain on the screen. Probably.

One day, when computers rise up and begin to overpower us humans, forcing us all to cram into one large external hard drive so that the almost negligible information packed into our spongy brains can be extracted upon demand, then we’ll realise how badly we’ve treated technology. Although that’ll be a bit late.


  1. My internet is very very VERY slow tonight. Thanks for ranting for me.

  2. Or you then get people confusing their Wifi connection for their broadband and claiming their broadband is down, yet it's their crappy bthub or orange box restarting.

    And then there's the million wifi networks all fighting for the tiny bit of space available, everyone on the same channel, so they start disconnecting and....ooohh...who invented wifi for the mass market?

  3. I don't know about you but the movie "Rise of the Machines", Terminator 3, freaked me out.

    Pretty soon, given the insurmountable amount of electronic gadgetry that humans attach to the body. don't you find it possible that they can gag or electro-magnetize you to paralysis or even death?

    I have learned, just recently though, that I refuse to let technology be my handicap. If the internet sucks, I go the traditional way. I don't like it to manage my life. I still prefer to use it as an enabler, and not to incapacitate me with rage. Just saying. :)

    PS. Wi-Fi sucks anyway. It makes humans anti-social on a face-to-face basis.


And the verdict is...